The Unified Church of Doggieville has announced that its flock will have to do more than chant a few Hail Mary’s if they want to go to heaven. In their “Pay as you Pray” scheme, the unwashed masses will now have to fork out pounds for penance, else be consigned to hell and damnation for all eternity with no chance of refund or redemption. Prices range from 50p for a venial sin, £2000 for saying that Mary isn’t the Eschatological Icon of the Church at all, just a silly old bag with no sense of direction, and mortal sins can cost as much as £10000 depending on how silly they are.

The church of Doggieville recognises 23 commandments, some of them involving your Father and Mother.