George W. Peorge, beloved mayor of Doggieville has declared a state of Crimson Alert (a bit like a Red Alert only worse). All citizens of Doggieville must be vigilant for whatever it is the alert is about. This is only one step away from a Brown Alert (in which citizens must run around like headless chickens while changing their trousers). Peorge didn't elaborate on what it was we were meant to be vigilant for, but whatever it is, be vigilant for it anyway (unless you are being vigilant for silly things like wasps, killer bees or teacups). But don't panic. Even though it is certainly bad enough to be vigilant, it isn't so bad that you have to panic over it. It could be something like a new season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer for all we know, and last I checked Sarah Michelle Geller, although she dresses well and has nice tits, she isn't panic-worthy. Or maybe Dinosaurs have returned. Or the Russians. Or Jesus has changed his name to Margaret Hilda Christ. Or someone has found a potato which looks like Henry Kissinger.